I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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