The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
