I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
