fuck your aforementioned shoe
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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