he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
