i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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