check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
