you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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