She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
