The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
