Me too!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
