I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
