when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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