Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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