Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
