How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just cropdusted the office
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
