i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
