I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
