you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
