I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
3 2 1 whiskey
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
