I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
