Pappa wants mamma naked
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
