the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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