i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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