My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i already hear my dad disowning me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
