He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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