I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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