i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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