There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
