Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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