Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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