morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
even my farts smell like vagina
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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