i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
