I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
