just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
