you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
