My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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