god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
