btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
