I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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