$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
