its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
