Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
