I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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