I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
