Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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