im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
