Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
