Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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