we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dick very happy bro
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
