trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
