I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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