I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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