so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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