You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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