I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
