she woke up with a sticky ear
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
